


From Mandeville, with Love

by thescentofdustafterrain



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-20 08:43:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14257197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thescentofdustafterrain/pseuds/thescentofdustafterrain
Summary: Lucille could never have imagined she would become such close friends with Valerie. But what if she didn't just want to be friends?





	1. Chapter 1

Valerie slid the photograph between the pages of the book and placed it on her bedside table. She was about to turn off the lamp when she heard a gentle knock at the door.  
“Come in.”  
Lucille timidly stuck her head round the door, “I hope I’m not disturbing you,” she said as she stepped into the room.  
“Of course not. I heard what happened with Mrs Faulkner,” Val replied. Lucille looked at the concerned expression on Val’s face and couldn’t hold back her tears any longer. They streamed down her face and her breath came out in bursts. Valerie pulled back her bed covers, and Lucille climbed in beside her, resting her head on Val’s chest. They held onto each other tightly and Val gently stroked Lucille’s hair until Lucille’s breathing had calmed and the sniffling had stopped. Even then, Val didn’t dare move, for fear of disturbing her. Eventually, Lucille fell silent, apart from the soft sounds of her breathing, and Valerie let her eyes close. She did not let herself think about how content she felt with Lucille in her arms; in her bed.

When Val woke the next morning, she waited a few minutes before rising, and tried to remember how it felt to have Lucille curled up in front of her. She knew it was wrong to think that way about her friend but told herself that as long as Lucille never found out, no one was getting hurt. And it wasn’t like the feelings would ever be reciprocated. She slowly lifted her arm off Lucille’s waist and got out of bed. She picked up her uniform and wash-things and headed to the bathroom. When she got back, her bed was empty again.

She didn’t see Lucille again until the evening. Val was watch the television with Sister Monica Joan and Lucille was curled up on the sofa reading, her legs tucked underneath her. After Sister Monica Joan excused herself, Val sat quietly for a while, then got up and headed to the kitchen. She put the kettle on hob and took two mugs out of the cupboard. She turned around to get a spoon and was startled when she saw Lucille standing behind her.  
“I didn’t mean to frighten you,” Lucille smiled, chuckling slightly. Val still had her hand over her chest and began to laugh.  
“I think my heart nearly stopped.”  
Lucille stepped over to the drawer and took out a spoon, handing it to Val,  
“You do know how to be dramatic, Nurse Dyer.” Val took the spoon and turned her attention back to making the cups of tea.  
“Thankyou for,” Lucille paused, “you know, last night.” If Val had turned around then, she would have seen Lucille shifting nervously and diverting her eyes to the ground. Last night, as Lucille had cycled back from Mrs Faulkner’s, she thought only of how much she wanted to see Val; wanted Val to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay. Val placed the mugs on the kitchen table and pulled out a chair. Lucille sat down and pulled one of the mugs towards her.  
“You don’t have to say thank you, you know. I’ll always be there for you,” Val said, placing her hand over Lucille’s. Suddenly she pulled away, “that’s what friends are for,” she added, smiling at the other woman.  
“It was the first time I have seen a baby born with spina bifida. Mrs Faulkner was distraught, and I didn’t know what to do.” The young midwife’s eyes started to fill with tears, but she wiped them away, then took a sip of her tea to calm herself.  
“I’ve never seen it myself. The parents may struggle to come to terms with it, but you’ll do everything you can to help. You are a wonderful midwife, Lucille. Don’t doubt yourself.” Val, once again, reached for Lucille’s hand and held it tightly.  
“Go to bed and get some rest, and don’t think twice about coming to see me if you need to talk.”  
Lucille nodded gratefully, picked up her mug, quickly rinsed it, then went upstairs.

Lucille saw Mrs Faulkner twice a day for the next three weeks. The mother had slowly begun to get out of bed and to get dressed. Next, she started to go downstairs, and just today, with her husband holding her hand every step of the way, she went outside. Lucille had never seen a husband be involved as much as Mr Faulkner. She had to admit, she envied the love that they shared; she wasn’t sure she was ever going to experience that for herself.

She lifted her bag off the back of her bike and headed inside Nonnatus. After she had put her equipment into the autoclave, she went upstairs to change out of her uniform, as she had the rest of the evening off. On her way back down the stairs, she nearly knocked into Valerie.  
“Something on your mind?” Val asked, smiling. Lucille shook her head and returned the smile.  
“Got any plans for this evening?” Val was concerned that Lucille was struggling with the spina bifida case. She could imagine how difficult it must be being the midwife in that situation.  
“Nothing much. I’m just going to return a book to the library. It’s quite a pleasant evening so I thought I would walk.” Lucille had perked up at the thought of having an evening away from nursing.  
“You could come with me,” Lucille added, “if you’re not doing anything else.”  
“I’d love to,” Val replied, beaming at Lucille, “I’ll have to grab my coat.” Val practically ran up the rest of the stairs, excited at the prospect of spending an hour alone with Lucille.

They chatted idly as they walked to the library, taking their time, and enjoying the unusually warm air. Val expected that there would be very few evenings this nice with the winter weather creeping in. The library wasn’t far, and they were soon stepping through its doors. Lucille greeted the librarian and the woman sat at the desk looked up and smiled back warmly. The book was returned and after careful selection, another was checked out. The entire time, Val just watched Lucille; watched the way her eyebrows furrowed as she read various blurbs and followed her fingers as they lightly skimmed over the spines of the books on the shelves. The more she watched, the greater the ache in her chest grew.  
“Ready to leave?” Lucille asked, placing the book in her bag. She looked up expectantly and Val dismissed the ridiculous thoughts in her head. Life wasn’t like the sweeping romances in books. She could no more tell Lucille how she really felt than she could become Prime Minister. If only Val could shake off the longing that she felt.

The sun was starting to set when they stepped outside of the library. Lucille pulled her coat tightly around her and in a moment of spontaneity, linked her arm in Valerie’s. She didn’t notice how Val initially stiffened then relaxed into Lucille’s touch, but did notice how her own heart began to beat quicker. They were approaching a snicket that Lucille knew lead to a small park and so tugged on Val’s arm,  
“Let’s go this way. It’s still early.” Val smiled brightly at Lucille, nodding at her to lead to way. The narrow, cobblestone path opened onto a small patch of green surrounded by trees and shrubs.  
“I haven’t been here for years,” Val laughed, “how did you find it?”  
“I was looking for somewhere quiet to read. Some boys come here to play during the day, but I’ve always found it quite peaceful on an evening.” Val looked around fondly, remembering when she would come here as a child and play hide and seek in the trees until her mother practically had to drag her home. Lucille had taken hold of her hand and was guiding her towards a secluded corner of the park where there was a bench under the shade of two trees that were leaning into each other to produce nearly an arch. They sat down, their fingers still entwined.

“I want to say thankyou for making me so welcome in London. I never imagined when I came to England that I could have a friend as wonderful as you.” Lucille blushed as she spoke, and her words made Val’s breath catch in her throat. She squeezed Lucille’s hand,  
“I’m grateful that I have you,” Val replied, “as a friend,” she added. She looked closely at Lucille and saw the melancholy expression on her face.  
“Penny for your thoughts?”  
“I thought that I would struggle with the Faulkner family, but both of the parents have been to every hospital appointment and have made every adjustment necessary for when baby returns home. I have never seen two people so in love; with each other, and with their child.” Lucille paused to take a breath. Her hand had slipped out of Valerie’s and she was staring intensely at both of her own hands clasped in her lap.  
“I don’t think that I shall ever be as happy as they are.” She didn’t want to look at Valerie at that moment. The words hung heavily in the air until Val spoke.  
“Lucille, look at me.” She tilted Lucille’s chin upwards till she was facing her, “you are incredible, and you will find someone who will love you more than you could possibly imagine.” Their eyes were locked for what felt like minutes, when Lucille moved towards Val. She brushed her lips against Val’s, then captured them more forcefully. At first, Val though she was hallucinating, but then she reciprocated the kiss, moving her hands up to rest softly on Lucille’s cheeks. They broke apart, slightly breathless, and for a moment, both forgot that they were sitting on a bench, in a park, in the middle of Poplar. The moment didn’t last for long though, as Lucille leapt up and rushed back towards the narrow, cobblestone path, not looking back once. Val was left sitting on the bench, listening to the clicking of Lucille’s heels on the uneven stones, and thinking of how long she had before she was cast out of Nonnatus and ostracised by the community in which she grew up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucille and Valerie can't avoid each other forever, but are either of them brave enough to confront their feelings?

Lucille closed her bedroom door and hastily unbuttoned her dress. She pulled on a nightdress and crawled under her bed covers, pulling the sheets up over her head. She hoped that Nurse Crane wouldn’t be back from her Spanish class for a long time. As tears fell down her cheeks, she kept replaying the moment in the park when she had moved towards Valerie and thought that perhaps it wouldn’t be so difficult for them to be together. But, when she had pulled away, the realisation that Valerie would never want her had dawned on her and she ran. Why had she been so stupid to let herself indulge her fantastical thoughts about what could happen between her and Valerie? She cried until her eyes stung and her body was too exhausted to continue its self-pitying sobs. When Nurse Crane did return, Lucille was asleep, and the tear tracks down her face were still clearly visible.

 

Lucille woke later than usual as her shift didn’t start till late in the afternoon. She got dressed and went downstairs to see if there was any equipment in the clinical room that needed cleaning. There always was. She washed the instruments, put them into the autoclave, then went to find the medical journal that she had been meaning to read. She read the lengthy article that had originally interested her as she waited for the equipment to be sterilised, and when it was, she removed it and put it tidily away. She tried to find other menial tasks, such as mopping the floor of the clinical room and scrubbing the surfaces to take her mind off yesterday’s events. She wondered if Valerie had told Sister Julienne about what had happened. She doubted that if she had, Lucille would still be standing in Nonnatus. She was sure that they would not want to accommodate someone of her disposition. 

 

When it was finally the start of her shift, Lucille collected her cape and bag and went outside to her bike. She was to do the afternoon house calls on all the new mothers, and she was looking forward to escaping the confines of Nonnatus. She cycled to each home and put on a cheery smile, making the fretful mothers feel at ease. She had finished her house calls and was heading back to Nonnatus for her on-call shift when a man stopped her in the street.

“Come quick nurse. It’s my Jeanine, she’s having the baby.” Lucille remembered from where she recognised the man: it was Mr Phillips and she knew that his wife was due to give birth in a week. 

“I know where your wife lives, Mr Phillips. I need you to ring Nonnatus house and tell them that your wife is in labour, but that Nurse Anderson is with her. Have you got that?” The man nodded and ran towards the nearest telephone box. Lucille cycled around the corner and stopped outside the house. She could hear Mrs Phillips from outside, so she left her bike, grabbed her bag, and pushed open the door. She found the expectant mother upstairs in the bedroom, pacing up and down.

“Hello Mrs Phillips, everything is going to be fine. How long since the pains started?” She went to the young woman and took her arm, pacing up and down with her.

“Four hours nurse. I thought they were just the practice ones again, I’m not due for another week, but then my waters broke.” 

“Let me get you more comfortable, Mrs Phillips. Have you got your maternity pack in here?” 

Mrs Phillips pointed to some drawers, putting her other hand to her back. Lucille took the box out and started laying paper on top of the mattress. Then, she pulled out her white gown and cap and tied them on. She took Mrs Phillips’ arm again and guided her to the bed, easing her down with her back propped up against the pillows.

“If you would let me examine you now to see how far off baby is,” Lucille said, putting her pinard to Mrs Phillips’ abdomen. The baby’s heart beat was strong and regular. She moved down the bed and positioned the young woman’s legs so that she could do an internal examination.

“Not long now, Mrs Phillips.” There was a knock at the door and Mr Phillips poked his head around the corner. He quickly drew it back round again when he saw what was happening. 

“I’ll go tell your husband what is happening, I won’t be a moment.” Lucille got up and took off her gloves. She opened the door just far enough to slip through it.

“I need you to phone Nonnatus house and ask them to send another midwife,” Lucille spoke calmly, so as not to worry Mr Phillips.

“Is there something wrong, Nurse?”

“Not at all, I just need another pair of hands.”

Lucille returned to Mrs Phillips’ side,

“Baby is coming quickly Mrs Phillips but is coming out the wrong way around. Another midwife is on her way, but in the meantime, lets try to slow baby down.” Lucille got Mrs Phillips to pant, but she was worried that the other midwife wouldn’t get there in time. She tried to recall everything she had learnt at nursing school, all while trying to stay calm for her own sake and the mother’s.

 

When the midwife knocked on the door and announced her presence, she was slightly shocked to see that Nurse Anderson was in the middle of delivering the baby. The room was silent as the small baby dangled, its own weight enabling it to be born. Cries filled the room as Nurse Anderson wrapped the child up in a blanket,

“You have a beautiful baby boy, Mrs Phillips.” Lucille carefully placed the baby in its mother’s arms and looked up at Valerie who was beaming at her.

“Doesn’t look like you needed any help Nurse Anderson,” she beamed, and Lucille smiled back, full of joy, but mostly relief. Valerie went downstairs to get the hot water from the husband, then returned to bathe the baby as Lucille took care of the afterbirth.

 

It was the early hours of the morning when Lucille stepped outside, Valerie closely following her. They wheeled their bikes instead of riding them, enjoying the peace that being up at that hour afforded them. Lucille was exhausted but always enjoyed having the streets to herself, when everyone else was asleep and she had nowhere to get to. No one to get to.

“Lucille,” Valerie has stopped pushing her bike and was waiting for Lucille to turn to her. When she did, she steadied her nerve and asked the question that had been plaguing her all day.

“Have you spoken to Sister Julienne, about what … happened?”

Lucille looked away from Valerie, shaking her head slightly,

“I thought that you would have told her already,” she whispered, even though she knew there was no one around to overhear.

“Why would I have told her? I don’t exactly want her to find out what I did.”

“What you did? You did nothing wrong, it was me that…” Lucille trailed off, afraid to admit to what she had done. Valerie stood silently, searching Lucille’s expression.

“But, why would you…” Val too left her sentence unfinished, knowing that Lucille knew what she meant. Why would Lucille kiss her? It was ridiculous to think that Lucille could possibly feel the same way about her as she did for Lucille. Val took a few steps forwards, so she was standing next to Lucille. She lowered her voice,

“I thought that I had, you know, to you. I’d thought about it for so long that I thought I must have just, done it.” Lucille looked shocked, and Val felt her stomach drop. She had said too much. Of course the feelings weren’t mutual, and now she had practically sealed her own coffin. Lucille placed her hand on Val’s and Val raised her eyes up to meet the shorter woman’s.

“I have wanted to do it since you cleaned by knee with Germoline, that first night I arrived at Nonnatus.” Valerie put her hand to Lucille’s cheek, stroking it gently with her thumb, before remembering where they were. She started to push her bike again, and Lucille jogged slightly to catch up. It was only when they got to Nonnatus that they again spoke.

“Good work tonight, Nurse Anderson,” Val squeezed Lucille’s hand gently, “perhaps if you come see me tomorrow, I might let you have your handbag back.” Lucille paused before walking up the steps to the front door, wondering if the conversation she had had with Valerie in the street had even happened. And if it had, what did it mean? She knew they would never be able to be together, but that if there was even the tiniest possibility of it, she wanted to find out. 


End file.
